Monday, September 14, 2009

Celebrity Deathtember!

In lieu of what happened in late June this year, and Patrick Swayze kicking the bucket today (September 14th, 2009), it's time to see which celeb deaths will happen next (since they always come in threes)

...drumroll please

It'll be Madonna and Vince the Shamwow Guy!

Why? Well, first there had to be a relatively expected death. That honor goes to Farrah Fawcett/Ed McMahon (cancer and old age). This spot is where our buddy from such classics as "Roadhouse," "Ghost," and "Dirty Dancing" belongs (pancreatic cancer). RIP Patrick

Next in June came the real bombshell: king of pop/mutant/friend-of-children-everywhere Michael Jackson died. This actually came out of the blue. Madonna fits in here, as she is another world-wide pop icon of the 80's whose death would be a shock, and she's right around the same age. No worries, Kaballah will save her if she's lucky

As sort of an anti-climax, Billy Mays, the coked-out OxyClean/OrangeGlo/whatever the hell else he was selling at the time TV pitchman, went up to that Made-for-TV Store in the sky. It only follows that his mortal enemy (in my mind) is up next. Vince is the Shamwow/Slapchop pitchman-extraordinaire who can sell shitty rags to the masses and yet STILL finds time to beat up hookers. Naturally, the gonorrhea he probably has will take him out, or maybe a deranged pimp/ho is gonna finally finish him off.

There you have it, folks, my celebrity death predictions for September 09

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